Why Am I Always Late?

It may be more than just poor judgment

You slip into workout class at the last moment, turn in projects post-deadline and arrive at Thanksgiving dinner just in time for dessert. Face it: Your habitual lateness may be more than just a last-minute lapse of judgment.

Upbringing can be a factor. “Habits are imprinted over time, so if you come from a tardy family, what you learned at home may be governing your decisions now,” says family therapist Nicholas Jupina of Lehigh Valley Hospital and Health Network.

To get to the root of the problem, ask yourself:

Do I have attention issues? “People with ADD or chronic anxiety often lack organizational self-talk in their head that prompts them to be on time,” Jupina says. “They can be distracted by virtually anything.”

Do I have trouble saying no? People pleasers can get overloaded with so many obligations that at some point in the day their schedules break down.

Am I too casual? Sometimes it’s an asset, but at other times a laid-back nature can work against you.

Am I harboring resentment? If you’re feeling ill will toward a family member or job responsibility, it can turn into passive-aggressive behavior, Jupina says: “You don’t want to offend the person so you go along with the request. But you hold in the resentment, and eventually it surfaces as lateness, sarcasm or avoidance.”

What do you do about all this? It’s worth finding a solution— habitual lateness can stress you out, damage your career and ruin friendships. Here are tips for getting there on time, from Jupina and his colleague, psychiatric case worker Lisa Canada: Make rules. “It’s tempting to try to squeeze in ‘just one more thing,’” Canada says. “Start overestimating how long it will take to get somewhere, and be disciplined about allowing yourself that extra time.”

Use prompts. “If you have a short attention span, build reminders into your day,” Jupina says. “Wear a watch, set the alarm, put your commitments in a calendar and check it every morning, send voice-mail messages to yourself.”

Recruit support. Find someone trustworthy to meet up with before you’re due at an event.

Give yourself outs. Can’t say no? Have three ready-made responses you can pull out on demand, such as “Let me get back to you after I check my calendar.”

Stop sabotaging yourself. “If you’re holding a grudge, challenge yourself to deal with your personal frustrations head-on, in constructive ways,” Jupina says. Counseling can help.

One of the best reasons to learn promptness is to set a good example for your children, Canada says: “Instill in them as young as possible that being on time shows respect toward other people as well as yourself.”

Want to Know More about dealing with people who frustrate you? Call 610-402-CARE.

Published from Healthy You Magazine, September-October 2008

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